Let Them, Let Me

A genius life mantra, a la Mel Robbins

My recent obsession with Mel Robbins knows no bounds. This month, she’s been making the rounds on popular podcasts, breaking down the genius concept behind her latest book “The Let Them Theory”released in December. She also dives into the genesis of this theory on her own podcast show back in 2023. This is a goodie!

The allure of this theory? It applies to all facets of your life.

I implore you to listen to one of the many podcasts Mel appears on (I recommend the Him & Her Podcast to start) and also read her latest book. There’s so many nuggets of profound wisdom shared throughout her work that I can’t even begin to try to encapsulate in this post. In a short (and frankly, too-limited) synopsis: the theory is designed to make us pause when we feel things in our life going array. Instead of spiraling and trying to control other people’s actions, the mindset of “let them” allows us to relinquish control and accept it. Acceptance is really the name of the game here, and, trust me - I know it’s not always easy to embrace. However, these simple words can truly impact how you will view day-to-day struggles and letdowns.

Someone cuts you off in traffic? Let them.

Someone gossips about you behind your back? Let them.

Someone is belittling you at work? Let them.

Someone decides to break up with you? Let them.

You get the gist of this tool. Let’s call it a life mantra, actually. I do believe the phrase “let them” holds a true spiritual power over my own personal mindset. These simple words completely reframe anything negative happening in your life and shifts the perspective to something more tangible. It allows us to stop feeling the need to control other people when we really don’t need to be (also, trying to control others can lead them to resent us)! It allows life to flow more freely, as it is destined to. It’s a reminder to take your hands off the wheel when they don’t necessarily need to be on. If you are religious, like me, it’s also a reminder to let go and let God. Just let it be. It’s a miraculous thing, really - when you stop trying to control everything - you find peace.

Let people be who they are - the same way you want others to allow you to be yourself. Give people the room to grow, learn, and take personal responsibility for their own choices - the same way others should give you this space. Don’t rob anyone of the opportunity to figure things out on their own. Relinquish control and let them. This allows for you to detach from the emotional turmoil you feel when someone’s choices don’t align with yours. And that’s okay!

I’m currently in the throes of dating, and have come to realize I can easily fall in love with someone’s potential. There have been a few times in my dating history where I have tried to control my partner in various way (nothing major, but I’m sure it all adds up). All this to say, if I just let my partner be who they are, without inserting my two-cents, would I actually like them? Would I actually want to be with them? No one likes to feel like they are under a microscope all of the time. No one wants to feel like they aren’t good enough as they are. It’s suffocating, and exhausting on both ends. The same can go for friendships. It makes you think. Let people be who they are. You’ll either accept them for who they are or you will find someone else.

Disclaimer: Of course, there are circumstances and situations where you should step in to control someone’s actions if they are putting themselves or someone else in danger, using hateful language, acting inappropriately, ect. There could be situations with major consequences if someone doesn’t step in to take control. This theory doesn’t apply to those.

The caveat with the “Let Them Theory” is that we are held to some personal responsibility as well. There is a marriage of concepts here: “let them” and, in turn, “let me.” This takes more effort on our end than simply allowing someone else to be the person they are and to do the things they do to us. This shifts the onus onto us, and calls us to take initiative of our own personal power and reactions. I can be so choleric and reactive to negative situations in life, especially when I feel they are done at the hands of another. Why yes, this would classify as victim-mentality. The “let me” mantra is arguably more difficult to implement because it forces us to take control of our own mindsets, shaping our responses and retorts in any given situation.

So, to circle back to previous examples and implement the “let me” mantra:

Someone cuts you off in traffic? Let them. Let me roll my eyes, turn on a good song, and carry on.

Someone gossips about you behind your back? Let them. Let me spend time with good people in my life and do something kind for someone else today to spread positivity.

Someone is belittling you at work? Let them. Let me put my efforts into working extra hard and building something greater.

Someone decides to break up with you? Let them. Let me accept that this is not my person, and focus my energy on bettering myself and finding other passions.

Why is this so much easier said than done? Sometimes I have to remind myself that I solely have power over my own brain. This is not a groundbreaking concept, but am I the only one who often lets other people’s actions and words affect me to my core?! Enough of that. Let ME take my power back. Every thought and feeling that I have is my own doing - a direct result of the things I allow to have control over me and the things I choose to simply let go of. It can be profoundly difficult to forgive someone who has wronged you and accept the outcomes of their actions. However, we all know that forgiveness and acceptance are key components of creating a happier life for ourselves. Holding onto resentments slowly kills us from the inside out.

I’ve had this quote saved for years and I always come back to its comforting message

While “let them” relinquishes our control and demands acceptance, “let me” allows space to seize back our power and channel it into energy that is more positive and productive.

Admittedly, this is going to take practice for me. I have already started to implement these phrases into my daily life, and I will say: it freaking works. It might not be the first place my mind goes when I feel slighted by someone, but once I do get there - once I “let them” and “let me,” boy, is there a shift in my energy! Try it, and let me know if it works for you, too.

Here’s to taking back your power in 2025!

xx